Happy Christma-Hanu-Kwanzaa-kah

And the new year. I've already gotten my New Year's resolution, what's yours?

I've already started to carry this one out, staying in touch with friends and family, that means visiting them too. Also I'm now talking to people I haven't in a long while. I feel kinda like crap though because it was around the holidays but it wasn't for that reason at all.

So, anyway, my cousins are here, well most of them. Eddy is still working on his college applications and Ada can't come because they weren't expecting everyone to come along. But Ali, my absolute favorite cousin is here and we stayed up until 3 am talking about the most random stuff. Just because she's 4 years younger than I doesn't mean anything. We might be going to Lynden Diner for breakfast, yes breakfast, or maybe we'll make homemade pancakes or something. This week is going to be awesome if I don't get any sicker. Bowling, Movies, Skiing and a party on New Year's. Shhh!! My mom doesn't know that. It's just the cousins but it'll be fun.

Drew fixed my computer to an extent. It's still kinda slow, but at the same time it works better. He just needs to work on my laptop because I can't get into my 'Control Panel' and delete things I don't want. Ugh. I hate Vista, I want Windows 7.

So yesterday I went to the mall with Ben, Emma and Ali, got a hoodie, it's purple, Vans and the game 'Dirty Minds.' That's the funniest game I've ever played. Some of the clues are so bad, but it's the best thing ever. I want to play it sometime with a bunch of friends. :] That will be bad, hilarious, stunning, scary... all of the above.

I'm going to head out. Lynden Diner here we come.

Love, ClaireCrystalline <33

D.R.A.M.A.

I hate it.

Situations, people causing it for fun, making fun of people for stupid reasons, taking sides of a fight because they only heard one side, hating someone based on a stereotype, hating someone because of what another said and pretty much any other way drama happens. I can't stand it. And I hate being in the middle of it because I tried to help someone and then I was stabbed in the back.

I just can't trust anyone anymore. Well, I can with people I know, but I'm a skeptic with others and don't trust most people at all.

I hope that if I do get to go down to visit my friends this weekend that there isn't any more drama.

I have nothing else to say, I've been so annoyed this week.. I'm just done.

I feel like I have this giant writers block. I can't think of names for songs at all, but I feel like two of them don't work very well because the syllables don't work. :/ I have three untitled songs that I have no idea what to call them, I think that's what I was always the worst at, trying to name things. Take this blog for instance... it's most likely going to be 'untitled' when I post it.

I've decided something, looking back over song I've written.. you can't really write certain types of songs about people, because like bands, you may feel a completely different way about that person later. Like Perfectly Imperfect.. things changed and I wrote Untitled song #3.. the one I wrote in Latin class about a month ago. Haha. That was a very productive morning.

I'm going to work on retyping all these songs and working on titles with Mahalia :]

Be back later <33

ClaireCrystalline

New Layout

In the spirit of winter, I changed the colors. I think the only thing that's hard to read is the title, other than that everything's good. Well, on my computer it is.

Anyway, it's the only full week in November and I can't believe it's not friday yet. At least it's just two more days. I don't think I have much to catch up on, but I'll do it anyway.

Stalker is getting worse, but I've been ignoring him and I have people telling him to stop/back off and Drew'll handle it if it gets worse. But now there's another kid back at Hempfield that I thought was gone for good. Apparently not. :/ Anyway, he pulled this "I've changed" crap on my best friend Hope and I [I call a bunch of people my best friends because they are them], then the next day he goes to her work, flicks her face and says "Text me, bitch." Oh yeah, you've totally changed. -eye roll- I'm so sick of people doing that lately.

And that being said, whoever said "your senior year of high school is your best year," I'd like to meet them. Everyone hates everyone, I talk to someone and it turns out they hate someone else because of someone else. Wow.. just because you are friends with both people doesn't mean you have to pick sides. We aren't in 3rd grade anymore, although maybe some people have that intelligence level still which is quite sad. And if anyone tries to get me to not be friends with Drew because of some stupid 'he said, she said' thing, I won't stand for that. Grow up.

Enough ranting, haha. I'm done. So I visited Missy today at work, that was fun. I got a monster too, I haven't had one in a long time. So, we're planning on possibly seeing Owl City in Norfolk, VA with a couple people and also Mayday Parade at the Chameleon. Hopefully neither are sold out and that we can go to both. It'd be totally awesome if we could. I'll be able to gather more information soon[I always sound so rehearsed] about whether I can go or not.

I've got a current event. :] So this past tuesday, the Senate Foreign Relations Committee passed the Bill for arresting Joseph Kony and rescuing the Child Soldiers. I'm so happy. This might actually be ending the war. The bill is getting sent to congress and hopefully it passes. It's about time we end the 23 year war that has been terrorizing Uganda, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Central African Republic and Sudan and bring the abducted home. :] yay.

So, for now...

ClaireCrystalline

Days Like Masquerades

Kind of fitting, especially since I'm seeing The Academy Is... tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm taking my camera and pretty much just taking pics of them since I got none at the Halloween show. Missy and I are going to try to be front row, so we'll see how that works out.

I get to leave school early to go up there, and we're getting subway on the way. Veggie style, haha. I just wish Mahalia could come to the show too, it'd be amazing then. We'd rock out veggie style like at Bamboozle when we got our pictures taken because of it.

Speaking of tomorrow, I really hope we have a work day in Latin because I tried putting the sentences together and none of them make any sense to me.. so I'll probably be working with Tiara or Ryan to figure them out. I was tempted to do the extra credit, but if the normal stuff is this hard, no way am I trying the other stuff, not right now anyway.

Public Speaking we have informative speeches but I wasn't there so I don't know the due dates and I only found one person in our class that wrote one down, so that doesn't help at all. I think we have tomorrow to work so it seems that everything will be pretty laid back all day tomorrow which is good.

I feel like I need to write something in here, but I can't remember what it was. OH! So I went to Weis the other day and one of my 'friends' was there. We're more of acquaintances, but anyway, he started following me around the store and everything, and then he wanted to meet me outside, which is just strange all on its own. Then once I was outside going to my car he appeared again and wouldn't leave me alone so I loaded everything into my car and drove home. I hadn't been online so once I got on yesterday I had 2 messages on Facebook from him and they were probably the creepiest things ever. I told Drew and apparently this kid is like a stalker and he pretty much likes every girl that he can talk to. Great. SO he started talking to me today and once he wanted my phone number, Drew sent me the 'rejection hotline' number and I gave him that. I'm really not a mean person, and I kinda feel bad, but I'm just so creeped out by this whole thing that I don't really want to continue that. He told me that if it goes any longer or anything else happens, to tell Officer Henry at our school because this kid doesn't stop stalking people which is insane. I'm just hoping for my sake that I never see him outside of school again, which makes me scared to go back to Weis now.

I think that's everything, even if I'm not getting to sleep for a while because I can't sleep at night. I'll probably stay online for a while until I get tired or my mom wakes up.

Goodnight,

ClaireCrystalline <3

Secret Handshakes..

I haven't been on here in a while.. so I'll try to catch up a little.

I saw Paranormal Activity with Kirstie, probably one of the scariest movies I've ever seen, I haven't been that scared since Sam, Lauren and I saw Stay Alive like 4 years ago. It's really creepy too because I hear stuff around my house like that all the time and now I'm afraid of what happens at night when I'm asleep.

School has been pretty normal, same old routine every other day. Latin and Chem have been fun though.. just the normal stuff we do. New marking period since Wednesday, I should check my grades.. give me just a sec..
Latin - 99%
Aerobic Conditioning - 92%
Public Speaking - 94%
Chemistry 2 - 98%

I usually always do good in school. I think I have the highest grade in my chem class. I hate the classes that do participation grades because I never participate, I'm way to shy/quiet.

Homecoming was great and two weekends before that was a family get-together which turned out to be a lot of fun. We were at my uncle's house along the river and had a bonfire and a cookout out back. Always have a ton of fun over there.. my cousin and I returned to our roots and had a mission like when we were younger. It was great.

I've been accepted to 3 of the 4 colleges I've applied to, and I have no doubt I won't get in to the one I really want to. I've been accepted to York College of Pennsylvania, Drexel and Millersville University. I really want to get in to University of the Sciences in Philadelphia. That's like my dream school. They have this awesome forensics program that I want to do and major in Chemistry which would be perfect for what I want to do when I get older. Do the whole CSI thing in a lab. That's been my dream since that series came out. I would love to be able to do something like that.

So last weekend, on Halloween I took a road trip all the way to Norfolk, VA just to see The Academy Is... it was a blast. I loved being able to see them on a Halloween show. They had some amazing bands with them, You Me At Six, The Secret Handshake and Mayday Parade. I loved them but hated Set Your Goals.. they are on my list. Everyone else was wonderful and I made a ton of new friends since I was there alone. Now I get to see them in two days in Allentown, so much closer to me, haha. Now I'm just waiting for Tuesday to come. :]

Then on the way home, I found out that my friend got engaged, which is amazing for her. I'm so happy for her and her boyfriend, and then the next day, Sunday, she asked me to be her maid of honor and I immediately accepted. I would do anything for her, I'm so glad she asked me. Her and her boyfriend moved into their new apartment together this past week and so they are living together with one roommate. I'm really proud of them.

This weekend I got to go to a wedding for my brother's friend Ryan. It was fun at the reception, even though I couldn't eat dinner since it was all meat. I found out though, that at the receptions, you tap your glass to make the bride and groom kiss.. I was kinda appalled.. Honestly, do these people get off on making people kiss? I told my mom that whoever does it at my wedding will get a fork thrown at them, haha. I think it's ridiculous.

So I think I've written a decent amount of my life so far. I'm still not tired or ready for school tomorrow but whatever.. I'll fall asleep when I get tired. Anyway, I've gotten myself mostly over what happened last month, I'm turning a new leaf and letting October go away and November be a good month for me. I did a little bit of mental cleaning and I feel much better but I still have the want to just laid down and be bored for no reason. I think it's just my depression of the winter coming back so it's okay. I can handle it alone since I'm hoping I've found someone new, :] haha. Drew's trying to make me happy and vice versa... and before there's any misunderstandings, Drew is like my older brother, so don't get any ideas. Someone else, haha. I, well I know he knows that I exist, but I doubt he knows how I feel so yeah. We'll just see where this goes.

Alright, Goodnight to the non-existant people who read my blog :],

ClaireCrystalline

About a Guy...?

So Homecoming was tonight. :] So Much Fun!!!! I can't wait for prom now. That was crazy. We made a train and went the whole way across the gym and then got filmed and projected onto the big screen. :] It was great.

So lately I've been in this fog thing. Everyone keeps telling me different things, but, and i feel so cliche stupid saying this, they don't understand. I can't just do something, not after everything. I feel like I've got my one hand on the doorknob and I'm holding on as tight as I can, but everyone's pulling me in the opposite direction and I'm slowly slipping off. I've been so mad at 'things' lately and I can't stop because of what everyone is telling me. It's easier to get mad at an 'object' than at the person that told you something.

Like I just told Drew, I can't construct sentences about it, when I try, my mind goes dead. I hate this feeling. There's nothing I can do about it though, it's not in my hands, it never was.

Anyway. I wanted to write something on here, but I don't even know what that was anymore, so I'm going to go.

Goodnight, Sweet Dreams,

Claire

[I still love you, I can't stop myself]

So, uh.. okay.

So this week[end], not the best. Let's try to find the positives..

1. Hung out with Brandy :]
2. Gave a speech that was recorded and broadcast live on my school's website
3. Wrote a song
4. Talked to Mahalia like 4 nights this week until I fell asleep
5. Saw Drew
6. Going to be seeing Kirstie, my dateeee <33 haha
7. ummm... I can't think of a ton more.

So anyway.. I wrote a song in about 10 minutes on Tuesday. In the morning, when I'm normally half awake and somehow I managed to write a song that's really really good. It's kinda mean, but I didn't really intend for it to come out that way.

I miss people.. I think I need to have some kind of like reunion thing. Bowling maybe.. or one of those like laserdome parties. that'd be SWEET. Anyway.. BrandyBrightside is sleeping over tonight. woo.. maybe I'll have a big sleepover. haha That would be wicked.

For now,

Claire

HUMP DAY!

Because Wednesday is in the middle of the week.. therefore hump day. I guess it would have to be noon on Wednesday too, but lets not get into specifics. I'm trying to get all my pictures from Italy&Greece onto a cd to show to my class because my card doesn't like me and now the cds don't either. Some kind of conspiracy don't you think.

Anyway, I was looking through them the other day and I got a bunch of memories from the trip, good and bad[grrrr] but it was funny. It was like looking at a slide show of memories that triggered the movie inside my head. I miss that trip soooo much, not much drama, sweet adventures and we got to have free time all the time. It's so amazing that I got to see ancient Rome, I've always dreamt of it and it came true. :]

Bad memories should leave, but they add character to the trip, well... most anyway, and there were more good than bad. I would go into detail, but I'll save that for another time. My computer is acting up again and I just want to finish and go to sleep. I should just take my computer in tomorrow and use that, then I'd know it'd work. Hm... if it doesn't start to work by the time I'm finished, that's what I'm doing tomorrow. This is getting ridiculous.

So my mom had a hearing today with my dad, and he said that he wanted a senior picture of mine.. um.. what the fuck. Really, you don't tell me about your wedding or that you moved, you tell me that what I said was completely unnecessary and that you aren't going to be nice anymore, then I get another random gift from you.. I think it's about time that I'm not nice. I'll be 18 in 8 months, I'm not taking this crap for much longer. So no, I'm sorry. I don't want to give you one of my senior pictures. Not until you learn to become a dad. Not a coach, you were hardly a father, but a dad. And to be honest, it's a little too late for me. I waited my life away and you did nothing, and now, there you are... the most hypocritical father anyone's ever seen. You're the most narcissistic and dependent person I've ever met and that's someone I can't have as a friend, so how can I let that person be my father? That's right, I can't.

So I saw him today and I reallyyyyy wanted to throw something at his car as he drove by. I hope I don't have to see him again, I've been the happiest I've been in years, and he's the piece of the puzzle you find when you've fully completed it and there's that one left over you don't know where it came from or what to do with it. I have awesome friends, I'm seeing my family and getting out of the house more, I have an amazing boyfriend that I love so much, and all my grades/classes are great almost halfway through the first marking period. I've decided on somethings in my life with how to deal, and although this sounds cowardice, I've decided if I can't deal with it another way, I'm just forgetting that person. It may be bad, but when someone does something you can't forgive, it's better to just forget[them].

It's not even midnight... WHATTT!!?! haha. I thought it was going to be like 2am and I wouldn't get much sleep like last night. Ugh, I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I can't fall asleep and then I can't wake up, I need my schedule back, waking at 5:45am and going to bed at 12:00am. I've been trying to work on another song, Haven't gotten very far but I love the one I just wrote. :] I want a really happy upbeat one now, so I'll work on that soon. I might as well go to bed now.

Goodnight, I love you[you know who you are],

~Ryan[Claire]

P.S. I've lost my want to be called Ryan, I still like the name, but I seem to prefer Claire better. Although someone said Ryan the other day and I looked up.. it was awkward. And my friend Ryan sits next to me in Latin.

Monday eyes..

Blue shirt is faded, A perfect smile is overrated, Who's got time for dress up anyways?

Monday morning, Sunday night, it's the same time just a different way to think about it. I miss so many things about summer. Getting to see people, staying up all night, staring at the moonlit sky. I'm in a poetic mood so that's why everything is coming out like this. My head hurts but I'm fairly sure it's just helping along my thoughts to form my eloquence. I've become so happy lately, come to terms with reality and what I need to do and not want, and I've removed a part of my life that I can't live with without almost bringing harm to myself. Crying myself to sleep I'd take any day over having a friend make my thoughts come to cutting. I don't hate people that do it, I just never want to have myself do it, it'd break my heart and someone else I care so much about, and breaking his would kill me. I haven't felt the way I do now in the past three years, and I'm so happy about that. I love feeling this way, I'm so insanely, crazy happy that I almost feel bipolar but I'm not. I love being able to write a song in under a week, and have someone that loves it just as much as I do, and know what I'm trying to say with it, without having to explain it is just amazing. I feel like I'm writing a ton of romantic fluff, and maybe it's just the headache, but this is the way I feel today, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

And now, I'm going to bed with clean wrists and a full heart that beats "inside the cage beneath my chest" and I honestly couldn't be happier.

Goodnight for now

~Ryan