HUMP DAY!

Because Wednesday is in the middle of the week.. therefore hump day. I guess it would have to be noon on Wednesday too, but lets not get into specifics. I'm trying to get all my pictures from Italy&Greece onto a cd to show to my class because my card doesn't like me and now the cds don't either. Some kind of conspiracy don't you think.

Anyway, I was looking through them the other day and I got a bunch of memories from the trip, good and bad[grrrr] but it was funny. It was like looking at a slide show of memories that triggered the movie inside my head. I miss that trip soooo much, not much drama, sweet adventures and we got to have free time all the time. It's so amazing that I got to see ancient Rome, I've always dreamt of it and it came true. :]

Bad memories should leave, but they add character to the trip, well... most anyway, and there were more good than bad. I would go into detail, but I'll save that for another time. My computer is acting up again and I just want to finish and go to sleep. I should just take my computer in tomorrow and use that, then I'd know it'd work. Hm... if it doesn't start to work by the time I'm finished, that's what I'm doing tomorrow. This is getting ridiculous.

So my mom had a hearing today with my dad, and he said that he wanted a senior picture of mine.. um.. what the fuck. Really, you don't tell me about your wedding or that you moved, you tell me that what I said was completely unnecessary and that you aren't going to be nice anymore, then I get another random gift from you.. I think it's about time that I'm not nice. I'll be 18 in 8 months, I'm not taking this crap for much longer. So no, I'm sorry. I don't want to give you one of my senior pictures. Not until you learn to become a dad. Not a coach, you were hardly a father, but a dad. And to be honest, it's a little too late for me. I waited my life away and you did nothing, and now, there you are... the most hypocritical father anyone's ever seen. You're the most narcissistic and dependent person I've ever met and that's someone I can't have as a friend, so how can I let that person be my father? That's right, I can't.

So I saw him today and I reallyyyyy wanted to throw something at his car as he drove by. I hope I don't have to see him again, I've been the happiest I've been in years, and he's the piece of the puzzle you find when you've fully completed it and there's that one left over you don't know where it came from or what to do with it. I have awesome friends, I'm seeing my family and getting out of the house more, I have an amazing boyfriend that I love so much, and all my grades/classes are great almost halfway through the first marking period. I've decided on somethings in my life with how to deal, and although this sounds cowardice, I've decided if I can't deal with it another way, I'm just forgetting that person. It may be bad, but when someone does something you can't forgive, it's better to just forget[them].

It's not even midnight... WHATTT!!?! haha. I thought it was going to be like 2am and I wouldn't get much sleep like last night. Ugh, I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I can't fall asleep and then I can't wake up, I need my schedule back, waking at 5:45am and going to bed at 12:00am. I've been trying to work on another song, Haven't gotten very far but I love the one I just wrote. :] I want a really happy upbeat one now, so I'll work on that soon. I might as well go to bed now.

Goodnight, I love you[you know who you are],

~Ryan[Claire]

P.S. I've lost my want to be called Ryan, I still like the name, but I seem to prefer Claire better. Although someone said Ryan the other day and I looked up.. it was awkward. And my friend Ryan sits next to me in Latin.