This is one of the worst feelings ever. The helplessness of having to watch someone you love fall apart before your eyes. And the feeling that you might have missed that last chance to say goodbye.
My grandmother on my father's side, Nanny as I called her, has had dementia for the past... 5 or 6 years? I'm not even sure how long it's been anymore. But this past week it has gotten so much worse. She went from being in a wheelchair and incoherent mumblings to being in a hospital bed in the bedroom and hooked up to oxygen. She can't eat, just swallow water and liquids, and I didn't see her open her eyes at all tonight. I found out today that she was really bad, but then I was told it wasn't serious. But then tonight my cousin called and said that she was really bad, and told me the extent of it.
I don't think I've cried so hard before in my life.
I can't describe my emotions right now. I'm so many different ones, it's ridiculous. As much as I hate my father, he should have at least told me about my grandmother. She could have died and I wouldn't have known.
I'm not expecting her to last the week.
I went through this before with my Pop, grandfather on my mom's side, but I was much younger then. That was 5 years ago and I was 11 not 16.
Having this happen with everything else I've been going through is so hard. I have my english final soon, go back to school tmrw, my father and his stupid present that I'm returning[to the store], and the stuff with people that I've been dealing with just piles up. I got through a little over a month without my counselor, and I was so proud of myself. And then this.
I'll be back tonight, after I feel a little better. I need to eat, like really. I didn't eat at all today, and when I was about to I got the call from my cousin.
~Ryan
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