Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Christmas is only three days away. I'm kinda excited. I'm going with my friend 'Sisky'[Hope] to see A Christmas Carol tmrw. Well, technically today, but I haven't slept yet. And I don't want to be the person that's always like, 'oh, well it's technically already tomorrow.'

But anyway, falling asleep will probably be hard tonight. My ipod's frozen and I wanted to listen to some The Academy Is... or A Rocket To The Moon before going to sleep. Guess that's not going to happen.

I was thinking back earlier, reminiscing about before my parents split. It almost seems like I can't see memories clearly anymore before that. But I was thinking about it, and how I used to love Christmas, and now after having to deal with my dad every Christmas, not just him, his fiance too, they all have been so horrible. I don't care so much about Christmas. And I know I should. It's lost it's meaning to me now. I never feel the Christmas spirit anymore.

But now, the third one after their split, I feel happy. It's the first Christmas, the first year where I actually feel happy again. And I don't plan on seeing my father this year. Call me horrible, but I've been through so much with him, I can't do it anymore. I just can't. I mean, two long horrible winters and falls and springs of depression, and finally I take my father out of the equation and it's not there... I'm not stupid. I'm not about to walk back into that deathtrap again.

-sigh- 3AM. Another long, sleepless night. I should get about 3 and 1/2 hours of sleep, maybe a little more. But I better go soon, Chem test tmrw. I really shouldn't worry. I always pass with flying colors. Alright, I'm going to go.

Goodnight,
~Ryan